


The stalking of Theon Greyjoy

by CaptainStaniel



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Arson, Be my Valentine, Decent!Ramsay, Explicit Language, Fluff, Humor, Just overall sillyness, Kinda, Love Confessions, M/M, OOC, Obsession, Probably forgetting something, Thramsay - Freeform, i guess, oh yeah
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-23 20:18:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9674447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainStaniel/pseuds/CaptainStaniel
Summary: Ramsay wants to be with Theon.Too bad he has no idea how to woo someone like a normal human being.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first thramsay I've posted. Just warning, suuuper ooc. I dont usually write Ramsay like this, but it was fun. I thought this could either be really silly or really dark. I went with silly because no matter how much we all love problematic thramsay, some good ole crack is always needed.

1.

 

“Look at him, Damon,  _ look. At. Him. _ ” 

 

Damon sighed and let his cheesy fries drop back into his cardboard container with a wet  _ plop  _ before slowly looking over his shoulder. “Jesus, Ramsay, why don't you stalk someone who doesn't fucking shop  _ everywhere _ in the mall. My feet fucking hurt.” Damon looked away from the curly haired guy looking at designer shoes in the distance and went back to eating his fries. 

 

Ramsay rolled his eyes. “Shut up, cuntlicker, he's perfect.” The grey eyed man adopted a look Damon was getting real sick of. He looked fucking stupid like that, his face relaxed and moony, his eyes filled with hearts, grinning like a lovesick lunatic. He really did look demented that way. There's no way a sadistic fuck like Ramsay should be in love.

 

And that's what he was. Everyone was getting sort of tired of it. Ramsay never shut up about this Theon Greyjoy dude ever since he bumped into him at some music festival two years ago. Ramsay hated music that wasn't classical (Damon was convinced he is a sociopath for that reason alone) so no one knows why Ramsay had even been there, but he had and everyone wished he hadn't. Ramsay claims it was fate and refused to say anything else. Now, Ramsay was always following this Theon around, he even moved so that they would live in the same city. Personally, Damon thought the guy was an asshole and didn't get why Ramsay was so hung up on him. No matter how beautiful and orgasmic Theon was to Ramsay, who the fuck buys socks for their friend's dog? It's a dog. But no matter what weird shit Theon did, Ramsay supported it. 

 

Myranda got tired of it first. She told Ramsay that he wasn't allowed back into their flat until he at least talks to the guy. Ramsay is currently sleeping on Damon’s couch. It's been one hell of a week. Damon eventually told him to just move in. 

 

“He's a knob. I mean dude,” he looked at Theon bending over to tie his shoes and Ramsay quickly slapped him so that he looked away. “Ow, you prick!” A few heads turned in their direction but the two were used to it at this point. 

 

“Don't look at him like that.” He sounded like a child who didn't want to share his favorite toy. 

 

“You  _ told _ me to.”

 

“Not then, I didn't! For fucks sake.”

 

“Fine, whatever. But seriously. Can you just say hi, or like kidnap him, and get over it. If I have to spend one more hour here, I will kill myself.” Damon wasn't above whining or threats of violence to get the fuck out of this perfumed hell. He was five minutes from scratching and hissing at Ramsay until it annoyed him enough to leave. 

 

Ramsay sighed but relented. “Fine. I'll be back.” He stood up and Damon’s eyebrows shot up and he whistled. 

 

“Damn, Ramsay, you look fucking hot. I'm sure if you flex a little, your little boyfriend will cum as soon as he sees you.” He teased, pointing a fry at Ramsay's nice button up. Ramsay always dressed nice, even when he was out looking for trouble, he always had to look good doing it. It was ridiculous as all hell to be Ramsay Bolton’s best friend, but mostly worth it just to tease him. 

 

Ramsay gave him a dead eyed look before flipping him off and sauntering off. Damon watched, laughing to himself. Oh, poor Ramsay thinks he's going to make a move. Damon shook his head and went back to eating. 

  
  


Ramsay swallowed nervously, his fingers making sure his hair wasn't sticking up. He licked his lips and casually looked at Theon Greyjoy, the bane of his existence, love of his life. He looked so good in that outfit. Too good. He was showing off his long, model legs and thin stomach with his tight clothing. Ramsay saw Theon bending over again to slip his own shoes back on and nearly fainted at the sight of Theon’s ass pointing right at him. 

 

_ That must be a sign, _ he reasoned and took a step closer as Theon stood up straight, determined to say something to the man that haunts is dreams and makes his nightmares bearable. 

 

He opened his mouth as Theon walked towards the entrance but nothing came out and Theon walked right passed him, laughing at something the redhead he was with was saying. Ramsay basked in the sound of his laughter before turning back around and stared at Theon’s departing figure. 

 

He didn't need to hear it to know that Damon was already laughing at him.

 

2.  
  


Ramsay followed Theon into the movie theater. He watched with envy as the black haired man with him stood closer than necessary to Theon as they waited in line. This couldn't be a date. It couldn't be. If it was, Ramsay was going to freak the fuck out. 

 

He stepped up to the counter and paid for one ticket of the same movie Theon was going to, not even caring to think about what it was. He slid away from the counter and continued to follow Theon at a distance while he got snacks. 

 

Ramsay phone vibrated and he opened it distractedly. He looked down at the text from  **Cuntlicker** and sighed. 

 

**Make sure u wear a big sign that says ‘theon greyjoy will u please suck my dick’ im sure he will notice u then (;**

 

**Fuck off. I'm turning my phone off.**

 

**Awwwh. how can I hear about ur failure then???**

 

**> :( **

 

Ramsay silenced his phone and nearly lost track of Theon and his….friend as they headed towards the theaters at the left. He watched them take the middle back seats and sat in the far back. There weren't many people filling the seats and as the lights went down, Ramsay's eyes nearly exploded when he saw the emo fuck putting an arm around  _ his _ Theon. 

 

_ Oh...oh hell no. _ Ramsay didn't even watch the movie. Not that he planned to, but he figured he might watch a little bit if it didn't suck. It did. But that wasn't the point. Because emo fucks apparently suck too. 

 

Ramsay's nails dug into the leather arm rest until one had to give and the leather split from the strength of his nails. 

 

After a while the Emo Fuck lifted his head back from Theon’s lap, his hand coming up to wipe his mouth. Ramsay's eyes were molten at this point. The rest of the movie was spent with Ramsay coming up with ways to remove the Emo Fuck from this world permanently. 

 

The movie ended and Theon and the Emo left. Ramsay was too numb to follow this time. 

Instead he went back to Damon’s and took a very hot shower.

 

3.  
  


“I'm telling you, I think something's wrong. He hasn't brought him up in a week. A  _ week _ .” Damon’s voice floated from his room and into the living room but Ramsay ignored it. “No, Myranda, it's not like that. He came home, no, shut up, he came home and it was like Theon Greydick never even existed. He looked at me like I was insane. Like the past two years I was on some bender that I didn't remember.” Damon sounded disgruntled by his friends behavior. 

 

Ramsay couldn't blame him. After he realized Emo Fuck was sucking Theon’s dick on the regular, Ramsay decided to change his tactic. He stopped talking about him, refused to answer any questions, and kept to himself. 

 

No, Ramsay was not over Theon. Far from it. But he couldn't have any competition coming in between their inevitable romance. Just thinking about the people who have touched him makes Ramsay seethe. No more. He was going to show that emo slut that it was never okay to touch what belonged to a Bolton.

 

Emo Fuck has a name. Jon Snow. Ramsay snorted.  _ Well, at least Theon doesn't mind bedding bastards _ . He pissed himself off with that and launched off the couch he was lounging on.

 

Ramsay  grabbed his keys and left. He sent a quick text to Damon as he walked towards Blood.

 

**Be back in an hour or so.**

 

**Okay, man, don't hurt anybody**

 

**No such promises shall be made, my friend**

 

**Don't get caught then bro**

 

**> :) **

 

Two hours later when Ramsay came back to Damon’s reeking of gasoline and fire, the blond giant said nothing and passed him a cold beer. 

 

4.

 

Myranda couldn't believe her eyes as she stared at the TV screen. 

 

“...at approximately 9:45 PM last night, an arson attack in the northern Winterfell residential area occurred, leaving no witnesses or casualties. One house was targeted and burned down before the fire marshal could put it out. There are no suspects as of now-” 

 

Myranda muted it and called Ramsay immediately. 

 

“Hello, your God speaking.”

 

“Ramsay, what the fuck! You burned Snow’s house down?” She yelled into the phone, her hands gesturing madly even though he couldn't see it.

 

“Hello to you too, Myranda. Fine morning we're having. Well, it would have been if a banshee weren't screeching in my ear.”

 

“Cut the shit, Ramsay. Did you fucking do that last night?”

 

“Yes. I did. Didn't kill him, so don't fucking ask.” Ramsay sounded like he had definitely wanted to though. 

 

“Oh my god, Ramsay. Are you mad? No, of course you are. What if you got caught?”

 

“But I didn't.”

 

“But if you did?”

 

“I'd claim insanity. I took one look at Theon Greyjoy’s ass and lost my marbles. Could work, you know, if you all testify for me. Bonkers. Mad. Over the rainbow. That's me.”

 

“Shut up, Ramsay. I thought you were over that slutty squid.” She pouted. She hated Theon. He was a whore and Ramsay just couldn't see it. He wasn't good for Ramsay, but no one could convince him otherwise. 

 

He grunted and she heard something click in the background. “Never. He's my better half. My conscious, morals, everything my fucked up brain can't understand. So, is that all you wanted, I'm sort of busy here.” 

 

“What are you doing? Please tell me you're not where I think you are.” 

 

“Guns aren't really my thing, but I have a feeling I can't flay every man and women Theon has ever fucked.”

 

Gun range, she knew it. “Fucking hell, Ramsay. Go home.” She hung up and wondered what the fuck was wrong with her friends. 

 

5.

 

Valentine's day. Ramsay sighed wistfully to himself. Good a day as any to finally woo Theon off his delicate feet. 

 

He looked up ways to win someone over on the internet since burning their lovers house down wasn't working. He found a bunch of stupid crap about flowers and chocolates and romantic dinners. It all sounded like a load of shit. Who swoons over a teddy bear with ‘I love you’ scribed on a heart? Ramsay could just do that with an actual heart. But he could be romantic, if that's what it took. Sure, he should ask Damon for tips, but he promised himself he would do this his way. 

 

His phone vibrated and it was  **Sadist Bitch**

 

**Damon and I are going to a show, he said don't worry about being alone on V day, you have your hand. What a dick. Have a good day, though <3 **

 

Ramsay sneered at the message. Gross, he broke up with Myranda the night he saw Theon and had no feelings for her since (never really did). But now  _ Damon _ is with her. He frowned. Hm, might actually work out. He didn't respond and left the apartment. 

 

He stopped at a small gift shop and picked up a few items before heading to the other side of the city. 

 

_ You got this, you're Ramsay fucking Bolton, you can do anything. So go in there and fucking make him yours. _ The little pep talk helped and Ramsay exited his car and stood outside Theon’s front door.

 

He gripped the stupid chocolates and wondered if Theon even liked chocolate. Or stupid shit like this. He felt like a jackass. 

 

_ Maybe a nice birthday surprise, _ Ramsay thought and turned to look at his blood red car. 

 

The door behind him unlocked and Ramsay froze as it opened. 

 

“Hello? Do I know you?” 

 

Ramsay battled with contradicting feelings of running or turning around. He thought  _ fuck it _ and turned around to look at Theon up close, something he's only done once before.

 

Theon’s green eyes were wide when he said, “oh. I do know you. Yeah, you're that guy I ran into at rockfest. I spilled that slushy all over you. Sorry, man.” His eyes widened .in an adorably confused way. “You know where I live...are you the guy that's been stalking me?”

 

“No.” Ramsay lied obviously. He looked away then back at Theon.  _ Shit. _ “You know about that?”

 

Theon crossed his arms over his chest and looked Ramsay up and down, smirking as he leaned against the doorframe. “Yeah, how could I not see that sooner? You think I wouldn't notice the hot guy and his giant friend following me wherever I go? I'm blond but I'm not dumb.” Dirty blond, but technicalities. 

 

Ramsay was mortified and it showed on his face, but his brain caught the ‘hot guy’ part and stayed there. Theon laughed openly, his head falling back and exposing his throat and through the embarrassment Ramsay enjoyed the view. 

 

“Wow, you're much cuter up close. You should see your face.” 

 

Ramsay frowned, looking affronted. “Cute? I set you friend's house on fire and I'm  _ cute _ ?”

 

Theon stopped laughing and glared at Ramsay with an intensity he admired. “Yeah, fuck you for that, mate. Everything he owned was in there. You're lucky Ghost was with him or you'd be a dog killer.”

 

Ramsay stopped himself from shrugging and tried to make his features apologetic. Theon saw right through it and he made an exasperated sound. 

 

“You don't even care. Wow, you're a piece of work, you know that? What, did you think you could just stalk me for years then show up to my place with chocolates after you burned my friend's house to the ground and expect me to go out with you?”

 

He was still talking to him though. Ramsay shrugged. “Could be your piece of work, if you'd like.” He held out the heart shaped box of chocolates. “And I only wanted to let him know not to suck you off anymore. Because I want you to be mine.”

 

Theon looked him over again before snatching the chocolates up. “You're lucky Jon is okay and that I'm a sucker for dollar store chocolate.” But it wasn't, it was the fancy shit. It had a small note taped to the front. 

 

_ I'm not good with relationships, but the first time I saw you I fell in love.  _

 

His eyebrows lifted and he looked at the guy in front of him. “What's your name again?”

 

As soon as Theon took the chocolates Ramsay smiled. “Ramsay Bolton.”

 

Theon shrugged and tried to play off the blush as he looked away. “Fine. Ramsay. You've truly won me over with these chocolates. How ever should I repay you? Hmm? Blowjob in a movie theater perhaps?” He smirked and glanced at Ramsay's face. 

 

Ramsay flushed, his face contorted for a second before it became blank. “You saw me.”

 

“Felt it more than anything. You have intense eyes, mister.” Theon stared at him and Ramsay stared back.

 

“I'm not normal.”

 

“No shit. You're like a creepy guardian angel. Can't lie, always felt protected when I left the house knowing someone was always watching my back.”

 

Ramsay smiled a creepy little smile.  _ Mostly watched his ass but it's all the same.  _ “I'd always protect you.”

 

“Suit yourself. Wanna come inside? I have wine, we can get day drunk and you can tell me all about your love for me.” He offered while holding the door open. 

 

Ramsay smiled. “I'd love that.”

 

6.  
  


When Ramsay walked into bar with Theon hanging on his arm, Damon nearly slapped the man next to him. He grinned at Myranda before turning it back to Ramsay. “No fucking way! Ramsay, you cunt! Can't believe you did it!” 

 

Ramsay smirked in self satisfaction while Theon blushed handsomely, smiling. “You should never doubt God's, Damon. It's rude.” Ramsay pulled out a chair for Theon, smirking over the curly hair at Damon. Damon stuck his tongue out at him.

 

“About time, though. I felt like I was starting to fall in love with Theon too. I mean, I know where he lives, what he likes to do, who he likes to fuck-”

 

“Damon.”

 

“Sorry.”

 

“Well,” Theon started, leering at the two of them. “I'm not adverse to threesome's.”

 

“ABSOLUTELY NOT!” Ramsay looked livid while Damon, Myranda, and Theon laughed loudly. He was beginning to regret them meeting officially.

 

“I'm just joking, love,” Theon kissed Ramsay’s cheek and he relaxed. “So cute when you're jealous. Just don't go burning down peoples houses, okay.” 

 

Ramsay smirked and put his arm around Theon. “No promises.”

 


End file.
